I Surrender All

Look at that, exactly one month since my last post! I'd say i'm starting to develop some consistency here people, or at least the start of something like that!  Well, it has been a month, and nothing apart from just wanting to keep a somewhat regular line of communication, has prompted me to write this blog.  So I'll probably be a little shorter than usually, and a little more all over the map!

The past month for our family has been good.  Gina and the kids have started to settle into homeschooling a bit, which has been really, really, cool for our family.  Every morning they wake up, and begin their day with worship, prayer, and then quiet time with the Lord.  It is so awesome as a parent, to see your kids develop as true worshipers, seeking the face of God, and delighting in His presence.

As we were worshiping the other day as a family, Dylan selected the song, "I surrender all."  As I worshiped, and considered the words I was offering up to the Lord, it struck me, that this exactly where the Lord has us right now.  In every area of our life...health, future, work, finances, move, mission, support, you name it!  The Lord has led us to a place where all we can do, is surrender to Him; to His ways, in His timing.  Nothing in our lives feels very stable at this point.  This becomes extremely evident whenever friends and family ask us questions, like,"So how's support raising going?"  "So how's Gina's health going?"  "So when are you guys leaving?"  The questions aren't bad...in fact, it's so good to know how many people are genuinely connected to us and to what the Lord is doing.  Yet, with each question, we are reminded of how little we truly have a hold on.

At times, I catch myself  trying to gauge the toll that the stress and challenge of this season have had on us and find that there is really no way to quantify it.  At times we feel worn thin, exhausted from attempting to stand firm on ground that constantly seems to be shifting beneath our feet.  We doubt, we get frustrated, we wonder what in the world we are doing...Believe me, it doesn't take many nights of sleeping in your in-laws bedroom, hoping to find some work for the week, and checking the mail obsessively hoping for a pledge card to be there, to get you wondering if you have really made a good decision in stepping off of your own map!!  I'm laughing as I write this, not crying, so quit your worrying and laugh with me!

And yet, when I step outside the things that I see with my own eyes, when I get in His presence, and surrender all,  I cannot explain to you the sense of peace and joy that comes over me.  I am fully aware of the fact that I don't have a clue, or one ounce of control over our present or our future, and yet, I also become aware of the fact that truly there is no other place I would rather be.  I have no idea how all this is going to unfold, but as I think about it, I never have... Even when things were stable in my life, any sense of control that I had, was nothing more than a house of cards.  So as I sit here tonight, with both joy and uncertainty; my constant companions in this journey... I delight in the fact that I am completely clueless, and that I am also exactly where I am supposed to be.

I hope this post doesn't lead you to worry, that is not its intent at all!  We remain full of faith, and we know that the Lord will accomplish more than we could ever ask or imagine, for His Glory!  This is just where we find ourselves right now, on this leg of the journey, and we appreciate your prayers and support as we press on, declaring,

"All to Jesus I surrender:
all to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
in His presence daily live."